I look fab in Glasses.

I can't wait. I can't, I can't, I caaaaan't wait!! Christmas has always been a happy time for me. I love the whole season and the feeling about everything around that time of year. I even don't despise the cold sometimes. And this Christmas will be SO awesome. I'm going to get to spend it with the man I have loved  unabashedly since I was a teenager. The man I plan to spend the rest of my days happily decomposing with. Squeeeeee!!!!! <3

Now that that part of my blog is out of the way, today was pretty excellent, for a day that I woke up at 330am  on to go to work. Work, itself, wasn't terrible. And afterwards, I picked up Mizz Keri and went to Amanda and Gary's house to visit for a little while. God, I hadn't seen her in years!! Or Gary, really, for that matter. We sat around chatting and carrying on for a while and it was really pretty cool. It's sorta fucked up, but in a good way, that eventually, those will be my in-laws. Ha! I'm gonna have in-laws! And they're in-laws that I grew up partying with!!! Neat, right?!

After we left there, we went to harass Jason, and got wraps and smoothies at the smoothie shop. Jeeze, I miss that place. The food is SOOO good. I miss Jason, too. I hadn't seen him since he moved out of Isaiah and I's house. He's doing well. We all sat around and caught up on shit for a few hours. Then Keri and I went to Target and basically window shopped. I saw a ton of cute shit that I would get if I wasn't desperately broke. Haha! We then headed to the Starbucks out on 31 and got iced chai latte things. Oh, I love those. And peppermint brownie cake pops. That's some solid goodness, right there. Fucking YUM.

I'm starting to toss around the idea of not really getting anything for anyone for Christmas this year. Not that I'm shunning my wonderful friends, but I really need to save money, and I honestly have no ideas on what to get anyone. Hell, I have no idea what to get my sweet John David. The only 2 people I can come up with anything for are Pop and Puppy. And even then, those are just little trinkets. I guess I could get Keri a perfume... I have no idea for my Trent. I have no idea for my Corey. Got no idea for Mom or Bill, really. I don't know. I guess we will see if I magic something up.

I think I'm going to basically move back in with Mom while I'm working until I leave. I talked to Angela about working the schedule up so that  all my working days are in a row and my off days are clumped together.... That way I can live at Mom's while I work and then up here when I'm off. I think it will help me save on gas. Part of me wants to just stay at Mom's, but I love it here and I don't want to go. So, I will try to divide my time. I looked at some estimated costs for moving and its going to be about $1500... roughly. $800+ taxes for the truck, and the rest in gas. That's going to SUCK. My sweet man is going to come up here and help me move, but I don't want him to be footing much of that bill... I think a lot of that is just plain old being stubborn, though.

Still, I can't wait to be down there. I will miss this place like crazy, and i'm going to cry when it finally sinks in that I don't get to see my beautiful people anymore for a long time... But I would follow this guy to the very ends of the earth if he asked me to, and he and I both know that me living in Texas is not permanent. I'm not even having the slightest bit of hesitation about it. If I belong anywhere, it is by his side. Wow, that sounds gay. Its just... I had worked so hard for so long to cover up the hole in my heart that he left when... he... left. :P It took ages. I never filled it, I just threw a tarp over it and ignored it. And this has completely blown the lid off of all of it. Haha. It took me all of 2 seconds to completely fall for him all over again.

Damn. I'm doing that thing again, where I just sit here and ramble on about "Oh, he's SOOO awesome!!" Gah, I'm a wreck. LOL!!

I have to get off of here. I'm going to keep being retarded if I don't. I'm sorry. Maybe next time I'll have something to talk about besides John.   ...   ....   ....  Who I get to talk to tomorrow, btw. YAY!  <3


Cheers!

Posty posty post!!

I'm not going to say a lot right now because I should have been asleep HOURS ago, but I'm not and everyone JUST NOW left and I have to be at work in a very few short hours and yeah... so I'm just going to say that all my boys were here tonight.... Snack-Time and Puppy and Thief and Monkey-face. It was a good night.... even though Monkey-face is sick. Foley was here too, and so was Dustin King, but I don't have a name for Foley yet and Dustin King hasn't made it to the marker where I start to accept him. I love my boys.

OOOH!!! I got to talk to my adoring sweetie today!! Mom let me use the phone because she has free long distance...   It was SO good to hear his sweet voice. It really was. It made me miss him so much more, though. We chatted mostly about nothing. He pointed at my crazy and said what is that and I told him not to worry about it and that I can't do anything to stop the crazy, but I can usually tell when its around and will notify him so that he can properly ignore it.   And he made sure to tell me that he loved me and that he had no intention of forgetting me or changing his mind about marrying the shit out of me. and I couldn't even reply for a minute because I was smiling too big. I miss my handsome man. <3

Pop, those bananas were a LIQUID. I threw them out.

Trent is sick and I'm in a talky mood.


Let me say that again with more emphases on the important-er parts of the sentence...


TRENT IS SICK and I'M IN A TALKY MOOD.


Another note-worthy point of interest is that no one is really online to talk to, either. I have absolutely NO outlet for the shit-factory insanity that is happening in my brain when I get like this. I mean, to be fair, if you sit around and read Hyperbole and a Half all day (and I did because it is freaking AWESOME) you will feel strangely chatty, too. Go read some. I'll wait.


































It's awesome, isn't it?!?


I am filthy. I have not showered today... and in fact, I am still wearing yesterday's clothes, sans underwear, even with the gaping hole in the crotch of my pants. I feel like disgusting should be my new middle name. But I was also pretty productive today.


The fire pit area out in the woods/ yard has desperately needed cleaned up for a long-ish time now, and since my perfectly wonderful but terribly slovenly boys silently refuse to do an ounce of work to clean up their own messes, I took it upon myself to go out there and slave away like a dirty little hobo for HOURS and clean it all up. I brought in all the chairs and threw away all the trash and half the tents. I disassembled the other half of the tents and strung them (it, really) up in a tree to dry. This is in addition to the 2 sleeping mats that were sitting in no less than 4 gallons of water in the busted tent. This tent had collected so much water and dead bug carcasses and leaves and general filth that it actually was sprouting mushrooms. Likely deadly ones, considering what they were growing on, but then again, the GOOD ones grow in poop, so maybe I'm wrong. Either way, it was a damn good sized mushroom, which I set aside, gingerly, on the bar so as to take a picture of it for proof of the filth-mongering that that particular tent was up to, and then I promptly forgot about it. Oops.


I was creeped and crawled on by a pretty large spectrum of insects and arachnids out there, each one eliciting a squeak or squeal from my diligently toiling self. Even an hour after coming back inside, I still felt like I had things crawling all over me. And I'm pretty sure that at some point, a spider (it may have been a regular bug, but my brain instantly thinks spider) bit me right on the butthole. Probably not a lot of people out there know what that feels like. But I assure you, it feels exactly like it sounds. It feels like a bug of some sort BITING you... ON. THE. BUTTHOLE.


That'll teach me to play out in the yard without my protective layer of underwear on, won't it?


I'm still anxiously awaiting my trip back to Texas to live happily ever after with my John. I still have a long wait ahead of me, too, and it is going to SUUUUCK. It's been like, 3 weeks since I left, and every damn day is a struggle in my head to not be a psycho. I miss my boyfriend, and that makes me a little unstable.....er. Add to that my stressful job, my meager finances, and the fact that he and I don't really even get to talk much due to conflicting schedules and the lack of a fully functional phone on both ends, and you have the perfect recipe for a not-too-happy-about-life me. I know that it'll get better. And I know that I'm still going to have some good times with my wonderful (and messy) friends while I'm here. But there's something about missing the person you are absolutely head over heels for that will just drive a person NUTS!


All that being said (really fast, all told), I've been having to put forth effort to not be insane AT him when we DO talk. Now, you might not know this about your friend and humble narrator, but I can be an insecure clingy needy crazy lunatic person when my brain kicks up shit like it does sometimes. So, yeah, we talk a little less right now, and he seems a little distant and my logic says to me, hey! He's at work! Cut the guy some slack, ok?! And my uterus (that's where I keep all my crazy) pipes up and says, well, he can't be THAT busy... and he always had time to talk to you before... and on and on and on.... and eventually DOUBT starts to peek around the corner to see what I'm up to. Its one of the worst things about me. I KNOW better, but try telling ME that!


Anyway, everything is fine, and I told him that I'm insane and he reassured me, lovingly, that he's not forgotten me and that he's not changed his mind about whisking me off to the middle of the desert and making me the happiest misplaced Yankee ever to breathe air. He didn't say it EXACTLY like that, but I'm a notorious paraphraser. As I said, I do try very very hard at not being that particular type of bat-shit off-my-rocker crazy..... And a lot of the time, I succeed. But my crazy is a strong crazy and cannot be ignored indefinitely.


Additionally, part of the reason I'm still wearing yesterday's clothes is that my new tank top makes me boobs look fucking AWESOME.

I kill more than time, you know...

Few fast Updates, before I have to head out and get ready for work...

I just spent the last 12 hours, sleep included, putting my Myspace blogs on here so that I would have them all in one place, and I trust Myspace... not at all, actually. These aren't here for you, they're here for me. If you don't want to hear about how terrible my life can sometimes be, and how FUCK-ALL WHINY I am sometimes, then I recommend you not read them. I say all the damn time how I haven't really changed in forever... but reading through those blogs... Yeah, I have. I'm not nearly that  whiny. At least, I don't think I am.

Recent;y, I went to Texas to visit John and stayed for a month. I loved it, and it took me all of about 3 seconds to fall for him all over again. I'm moving down there in Feb, 2012. He's going to marry me and we are going to live happily ever after. I'll not be hearing otherwise. I have not been this happy since, apparently early in 2006. Christ. Now, yeah, I  have had happy moments here and there... But overall happiness? Nein. So, I'm really looking forward to that.

There's been a lot of crazy shit in the 2 years that I didn't blog on Myspace. I dated a guy named Zac, who was WAY too young for me, and proved it. I moved a few times. I dated Isaiah, which was pretty ok, mostly, but it went downhill pretty fast. When he and I split, things got really bad because I had fallen for another Zak. (I have a thing for Z names. I really do.) That went poorly. We are good friends, and I'm really happy about that. Someday, I'l document details on all of this, but today is not that day. I live with Trent, now, and have since Feb of 2011. That's when I left Isaiah. I currently work at the Murphy Gas station again, for Angela, who is nothing short of crazy and wonderful.

And for once I really feel like maybe my life is changing for the better instead of the acceptable.

To all of those that read this, of which, there shouldn't be many, I love you. Here's to a good upcoming adventure. :D

Because It Seems Fitting (Jan 1, 2010)

Current mood:optimistic

Its the first day of the new year. I don't know that I'm particularly excited about it, but I'm certainly glad to shrug off the clammy skin of the old year and leave that mess behind. As years will have it, the entire thing wasn't complete shit, but there was more suck in that year than there really needed to be. 

Last year saw the end of two relationships, and the beginning of one. Already the odds are low for that summing up any time of happiness. But the year held some little shiny nuggets of joy, as well. Most of 2009 was spent in a shit-hole town in Pennsylvania. While that in itself falls under the CONS section here, the people I met and knew there certainly don't. 

Most of the time (though, not all) that I spent in PA, all I did was wish that I was back here, amongst my people, where things are familiar... Where everybody knows my name. So I guess, really, I even had one of my strongest wishes come true this past year. Trent and Lauren flew to PA and recaptured their wayward friend. There is no amount of grateful that would ever be enough. The drive back to Indiana was long and torturous on my drivers, and I'm sorry for that, but I don't think that it is half of what they would have gone through to get me back home, where they could see me and where I have a chance of survival.

I do miss my PA people, though. hanGover Crew, You're welcome to road trip out here any time! And while the sleeping accommodations may not be the Hilton, it'll be better than not. Plus, I make great eats.

I made some resolutions this year, which is something I don't DO for new years. I didn't do it for new years this time, either. I made these resolutions months ago. "I'm the fighter. I'm the winner. Things are gonna change, I can feel it." Good song. And the most accurate quote I can put here. My resolutions are not for the coming year, they are for the coming life. 

Some of my loved ones warp and change who they are to fit what any given part of life throws at them. They have either mutated or evolved, and it really doesn't matter much which. I can't really remake myself like that. I don't think I've ever been able to. No real part of me dies for the next to come to fruition. I think I'm more Katamari, than Pokemon. I add. I'm always adding.

For you, my lone reader, I will go ahead and throw in some trivialities so that you are more or less up to date on the little things that are going on, too, instead of just the big picture.

I started a new job not long ago. Its one I've had before, and not a whole lot has changed about it, really. Things are run a little differently, but then its been several years since I've worked there, so that's to be expected. In general, I like it well enough, you know, for work.

I have a new place to live, now, as well. I'm no longer taking up space at my mother's house, which is surely better for the both of us. I do love my mom, and she do love me, but any more than a few straight months together is enough to drive us both up the wall. 

I have hope for this new year. I have a lot to work on and I have a lot to work with, so with luck, determination, perseverance, and maybe a little help from those I hold dear, this year will turn out ok.

Best bloggy wishes to you and yours. 

A Taste Of Paradise (Dec 27, 2009)

So, once, a long time ago, i was walking. i have no idea where to or where from, but i was a run away at the time. i liked being a run away. it gave me a sense of freedom that my parents tried hard to quash. My home life was a wreck; mom and dad were going through a divorce, they just didnt know it yet, so being there was like oh... living with two people who hated each other with the burning passion of a thousand suns.
i knew that the cops were out looking for me. mom always called. not so much that she was worried about where i was, more because she wanted me punished for breaking her rules. i was walking this night, probably close to 1 or 2am, and i noticed a few cops circling the block in front of me. as it was dark and i was in the ghetto part of town, i wasnt walking in enough light for them to notice me from that distance, so i did what any good fugitive would do: i came up with a fast plan to hide somewhere.
on my left was the largest engine plant in town. lots of light, lots of people. on my right, however, two long-abandoned houses, dark, forgotten... inviting. the one right on the corner provided me with an excellent view of the surrounding streets, so i walked through the yard and between the houses to the back, where, as sure as id expected it, there was an old tattered door, barely hanging on by the soul of a hinge. i stepped through into the murk and gloom and waited for my eyes to adjust.
what i wasn't expecting was that the house was full to near overflowing with old antique furniture.
i peered around wide-eyed, in awe, at all the treasures laid out before me. there were old wardrobes and carpets, dressers and vanities, dining tables, chairs, the whole bit! I wandered from room to room, running my hands along dusty smooth wood and rolls of plush oriental-esque rugs. There in the furthest room, there was a set of stairs. there was no railing, and no door or hall at the top. there was nothing but a hole, opening straight up into the night sky.
i took a few tentative steps, and promptly fell through a stair. completely unphased, i pulled my leg free and continued on, careful to stay close to the side of the stair, where the wood seemed more sturdy. The stairs opened up onto a large deck on top of the first story of the house. it would have been an amazing porch, but the longer i think about it, i think it was just a large room that had had its walls and roof removed. there was nothing up there but a door into the side of the upper floor of the old house, which i carefully picked my way over to, making damn sure to avoid boards that looked like they had about had it.
there were three rooms in the top of the house, mostly empty, all covered in graffiti, with broken windows. one room had a small closet with its door slightly ajar. with all the common sense god gave a ferret, i walked right in and peeked inside to see what was in there. it never occurred to me that there could be some drugged out nut-job in there, more than ok with hacking up some dumb kid who disturbed whatever demented thoughts he was dwelling on at the time. The closet was empty. There was a large green couch in that room, too. and 2 windows, looking out over the 2 streets and the intersection.
the windows opened out onto the roof above the porch, providing me with an acceptable escape route should i need it. i settled onto the couch, more or less, for the night. the light from the engine plant was bright in my eyes and kept me awake and the couch stank of rain and mold and cat piss. my nerves were working overtime, listening for the tell-tale footstep of invasion, or a car engine that was a little too well-tuned. I got up to check the windows every 15 minutes or so. it was a long night, but i was completely smitten with abandoned houses from that day on.

Somethings Changing (Dec 17, 2009)

Current mood:hopeful

Today is a strange day for me. My arms are shaky. My legs aren't so much, but my legs have always been stronger than the rest of me.

2 days ago, Trent brought over his weight bench and stuff. I repacked his heavy-bag for him, but he didn't have any place to put it, so we decided to set it up at my house. His weights came with, simply because he can't use them in the winter at his house. No reasonable place to life.

This thrills me because now I can use them, too. I have become very interested in his MMA classes, which I have been observing for the last few months. I want that. I want to learn that... to BE that. And I'm working hard at taking those first steps into it. I have adjusted my diet. I have adjusted the way I move (in some respects). And now, I have adjusted my days to include lifting.

My puny arm muscles were not prepared for the assault they just got. My legs want more, but my shoulders are shaking and it's very interesting trying to type right now. I'm starting out light, as this is not something that I've ever done before and the last thing I want to do is over-do it an injure myself.

We had a few drinks the night before last, Trent and I, to celebrate my re-entry to the employed populous. During the course of the night, I made the following agreement with him. "Give me 2 more Sundays." This means nothing to most of you, I'm sure, but Sunday is class day. I'm sad when I miss it NOW, even though I don't participate. The instructor is sad when I don't make it. For whatever reason, they want me there; they want me training with them.

Now, since I seem to be on the crux of having income yet again, I will attend class. I will have to buy a few things to start out with, but I will be there. I don't know how this is going to go, but I refuse to give up easily. I'm far too stubborn for that. I will stick with it for far longer than I want to, even if I don't like it, simply out of spite. Spite against whatever it is that I need to spite to keep myself there.

When Trent was showing me the proper ways to lift the other day, I was thinking to myself, well, I'm going to start out very light anyway, so this is no big deal. Hah! This is a big deal. My wrists are bad anyway, and my shoulders aren't perfect. Something fun, however, is that during one of the 30 second breaks between sets that I allowed myself, I realised that lifting my arms without the weights on them was one of the neatest feelings ever.

If I think too hard about musculature and tendons and all the inside stuff, it really pretty much grosses me out. But I know that my muscles were straining. I know they were and I can feel it. I can feel it all the way into my spine. And I like it. 

Things are going to be new. Maybe I'll need help keeping my ass in line, but in a general sort of way, things are not as I want them now, and I have tried a whoooooole bunch of different things to make it work for me and have found nothing. Maybe this will work.

On the note of work, pending my drug screen results, I should be hired on at yet another gas station. I like gas station work, and I'm good at it. This particular gas station, I've worked at before, and it was one of my favourites. They don't have third shift, which is kind of a bummer, but that's when all the good shit happens anyway, so I may as well adjust to that, too.

My house has finally come together in a way that I'm pleased with. My walls are still mostly naked, and there is some shit laying around that I have no idea what to do with, as it hasn't even been unpacked in years. But its a functional house again, and I work hard at keeping it very clean. 

My ferrets have room to get out and play again. My ding-bat cat has room to chase invisible things through the house again. And my silly old dog has the run of it all. I've finally gotten her skin allergies under control, her fur is growing back, and she looks healthier than most people have seen her look in ages. Not bad for such an old puppy.

I apologize to my one reader that this is not the most interesting of blogs... But its stuff that I felt like writing down. I'll need to look at this from time to time to re-motivate myself. I'm feeling very proud of myself right now, and I want to ride that as long as I can.

Watching You Die (July 18, 2009)

Current mood:distressed

For whatever reason, I've taken to MySpace like a bird dog to water. I have developed a personal relationship with my MySpace account, turning to social networking online when other options were not available to me. It has kept me in touch with some friends, and allowed me to find new ones. MySpace may be the devil, but I'm a friend of the devil.

When FaceBook started getting popular, I rebelled against it with everything I had.  Or I just didn't jooin, and told everyone it was evil and a piece of crap. You know, whichever. I was completely against it. Why even BOTHER with something as trivial as FaceBook when you have MySpace? But then...

The tides started turning. FaceBook got cool new shit. MySpace tried to get cool new shit, but it seemed like every little thing they did, slowed them down. It took me almost 3 minutes to get from a bulletin post to this blog. Complete with server time-out.

MySpace has some good stuff on it yet, I won't deny that. I love my little avatar thing. Buddy Poke, I think its called. And I love my Super Pet. God, the hours I spent gambling away my hard-earned fake dollars on that ap! But... FaceBook has it too. I haven't seen exactly those two aps, but I bet I will someday.

I love how I can go in and completely customize the way my MySpace looks and feels. I love the backgrounds and the layouts. I don't like going to someone's profile and seeing a stark empty space where something fun or colorful could be. Maybe thats my artist side, or maybe thats my inner child that I refuse to wrest control from. 

But I like getting on FaceBook and playing Pirates, or one of the zillion other fun things they have available. I like the way the wall posts are set up. I like being able to converse back and forth with people about someone else's status update. I like the picture posts, the friend recommendations, the quizzes... I think I like those the best...

I finally got a FaceBook account, after much badgering, and gave it ALMOST a fair shot. I hated it. I think the only reason, though, was because of my undying loyalty to my precious MySpace. After a month I closed my account. 

A month or maybe 2 ago, I reopened my account, again at the end of much badgering. Almost everyone is on FaceBook now. I haven't played my Never-ending Movie Quiz, but i spent a lot of time on Pirates. I haven't touched my Super Pet in months. I take about 4 quizzes a day sometimes... I've done maybe 2 MySpace surveys in the past 4 weeks. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I think MySpace may finally be dying out. FaceBook is the new shiny thing. There's more to do, and while I do occasionally find a bug in their shit, well... there aren't as many as there are in MySpace. I don't like that my profile isn't all shiny, but I like that it doesn't bog down my computer, trying to load 10,000 graphics and videos that people post and everything else. Its a pretty fair trade.

So, I guess this is what it comes to. Out with the old, in with the new. Its always been that way. I can pop onto FB anytime, day or night and see 6-10 people logged in. Used to be, I could see that many people on MS during the peak hours. I checked about 15 minutes ago, and 1 person is on. 

My dear MySpace... I won't abandon you to the depths of old age like some forgotten childhood toy. No, I will still faithfully log in at least once a day. I will check my bulletins and messages and status updates. But regretfully, I must inform you, you aren't my number 1 anymore. I will sit here, MySpace, by your side as your last dying breath leaves you... And it will be with a heavy heart that I eventually sign out for the last time, logging into FaceBoook. 

Hopefully, that time won't be soon, though I find it almost not worth it these days, to log in. No one really does much on here anymore. No one blogs much, if at all... Even I, the blog queen, havent uttered so much as a peep in ages...

Poor MySpace. 

Today for Breakfast: BOWL OF DICKS! (Jun 8, 2009)

Current mood:chipper

About a week ago, a good buddy of mine told me in a loving manner to, "Eat a bowl of dicks, comrade!" Well, Eddie McSpew, I thought long and hard about that. Long and hard. And I decided that maybe a bowl of dick is exactly what I needed up in here. So, here's a nice photo session for you all to salivate over. Hahaha!!



I got these as a gift from my dear loving mother and step-dude. Carl got titti-roni, but this blogs about penis.


Fresh out of the boiling water, hot steamy weenies!


I make a special sauce for them. Oh, come now, you pervert! Not THAT special sauce!! I wouldn't put THAT on these. I make a garlic sauce with basil and oregano. Check out them slippery noodles!


Yes, I love lovely dinnerware. Carl opted for the garlic butter, so this is actually HIS bowl of dicks to yummy down on.


I went for the easy "cock n cheese" approach, myself.

I hope you enjoyed these dicks with your eyes as much as I did with my mouth!

Going Home (May 19, 2009)

Current mood:determined

I am going home. 
I'm going to try to make this happen by the 4th of July, but I may have to rearrange that a little. 
If I do, it will be by no more than 2 weeks past.
I want you to come with me.
I don't want to leave you here.
But I'm going.
If you can not make it right then, I will wait for you while I'm there.
If you decide not to go, that's ok too, and I understand it.
I won't hold it against you.
We will then figure out how I will get the rest of my stuff.
I don't think it will come to that, and I hope it doesn't.
But I'm going to hurt you if I stay here.
I don't want to, but it will happen.
I hope that you understand all this.
This isn't to hurt you.
But it is to help me.
I love you.

Carl and I's New baby

Current mood:sleepy

So today, we went to the bank and then on to Lowe's to get some handles for the screen door. We've just been pushing and pulling on it like white trash for the last week or so, so I thought it was high time to get all classy and put handles on the damn thing. We root through various bits of metal till we find the perfect ones... they're for bathroom (or kitchen) cabinets, but theyll do marvelously. And they're pretty. And then I suggested that we run on over to PetCo to get a bucket for Aristotle. Carl's cat is retarded or senile (I say both) and seriously will sit there and lick one spot until hes licked all his fur out. He has 2 big patches on his sides where he sits there and does this. Honestly, we just can't watch him ALL the time, and he keeps on doing it. I have sprayed hydrocortizone spray (made for retard cats who do that shit because its itchy) on there to see if it was a place that was just bothering him, but no... Doesn't have any effect at all. So, we set out to buy the dumb animal a head bucket. In the cat area, there were no cones, but there was a neat little thing that fits on like a collar... and looks like the top of a life vest...? Its inflatable, I suppose, but it keeps the cat from being able to lick itself. I think we should have gotten that one, but we went with the traditional bucket, from the dog aisle. And then... We passed the weasels. Carl and I were looking at them, and after about 4 minutes worth of discussion, decided that it would be ok to get one. Carl picked it, and its his own ferret now. Hes a very dark chocolate, almost black, with a little white muzzle, a dirty nose, and a black mask face. And little white ears. And hes adorable. Carl named him Pavi Largo, as they're both goofy, dressed primarily in dark colors, and have a mask on. Hahaha. There will be pics soon on here, but until then, there are a few up on Carl's myspace --Necroidian-- He's pretty easy to spot on my top friends list. The Pavi pics are in the mobile photos folder, I think, if he doesn't have it set to private or whatever.

Well, now, what the fuck?!? (April 8, 2009)

So on the last day of March, I mailed a box of books to Indiana. Someone had paid me $400 for these books, and I'd been sick for almost a week, so they were delayed a bit. I packed them neatly into the box, and even put some styrafaom in there on top of them to keep them from tumbling around and getting their corners all messed up. 63lbs worth of books. Almost, if not totally, in mint condition. I duct taped the box up nice and took it the the post office and sent it on its way, via media mail. 

Yesterday afternoon, I got a phone call from the person I sent the books to. And he was pissed. The box I sent came that day, but thats all that remained of the package I sent out. The books had been taken out of the box, and replaced with 6 random shitty books. Oh, and a bunch of church pamphlets. Some trash and newspaper. My original box had another half box taped to the bottom and a plastic bag tied over it.

So, naturally, he calls me, all irate. Now, I'm irate. Not only do neither of us have even so much as one of those books, which are fairly hard to find and not all that cheap, I have to pay him back $400. We are going to see if there is anything the post office can do, but as I seem to have neglested to get insurance on it, I'm going to assume they're just gonna laugh in my face.

It says on the side of the box that it was $23 some  to ship it. That cmes out to a 63lb load. The box that was delivered weighed less than 10. Thats really the only thing we have on our side right now. And it isn't much. 

So, I thought, there goes a good chunk of my tax check...
Which was supposed to be in my account on "Monday or Tuesday." Well, yesterday totally qualified as Tuesday, and yet... I checked my account online, and where there should have been about $20 left even without a tax check in there, there is a negative balace of $38. For whatever reason, when I checked my balance the other day before making an order online, it told me that I had about $67 in there, which sounded about right.

I fancy myself as somewhat of an optimist, really. I think there's kind of a bright side to just about everything but politics. But you know? With this shit and the other shit I'm dealing with, I have never EVER wanted to just drop dead (by whatever means necessary) this much in my entire life. 

Fuck this ride, I want OFF.

By the by, if anyone has any HELPFUL advice on the books issue, do let me know. And for the record, saying "Next time get insurance on it." isn't helpfiul and will probably just piss me off all over again.

I'm such a dirty girl (April 5, 2009)

So, I'm about worn out. And I like it. It feels good. Its almost the kind of good you feel after some really energetic, yet tiring, nookies. A good satisfying tired.

It was really nice out today (yeah, I know, Columbus, I'll get the rain from you fuckers soon enough), so I decided to make the most of it and putter around outside. My original goal was to root through the shed and try to locate a small garden trowel or something similar. No dice, man. I did find a piece of wood, smallish, and a full sized shovel, which I used.

There was already a garden area in the yard, it was just overgrown and bad... So I took the shovel and carved out a flat area to put a few landscaping timbers to enclose it, and then I tilled all the dirt up in the plot. That was such a pain in the ass. After the dirt was all good and crumbly, I went through and snatched out what weeds I felt like rooting for. I think I got most of them.

Next to that, there's anothere little patched off area that has, I believe, lavendar in it. Looks like lavander, anyway. So I left that. I weeded it pretty good and added new pine chips to the bed. There's also a smaller bit behind the lavander that has 2 plants in it that I can't identify, but they look healthy and don't look like weeds, so I left them and weeded that part too and added pine chips. It looks really really nice.

Theres a half a rain barrel/ flower pot thing out in the yard by the lamp post that I like, and it seems to have ivy that grows in it. I had taken out most of the dead stuff a few weeks ago to encourage it to grow better. Recently, I have been obsessing about 5 little garlic plants that I have been tending. I love them, sweet little growing things... <3  Anyway, I dug little holes out there in the potting soil that is in the barrel and lantd my little baby garlics in there. It should get plenty of light and all that, so, here's wishing them luck!

On the other side of the porch area, theres another timbered off area that runs along the side of the house. On first assessment, I thought it was another garden area, and so last December (Eh, heh heh heh....) I threw our pumpkins, seeds and all, as we never got around to caring them, out there. I'd also like to point out that there has been a piece f bright blue something-or-other out there for as long as anyone remembers.

Well, today I got around to investigating this part of the yard and it is NOT, in fact, a garden area, but maybe a grilling area. It's like a red bricked sidewalk. It was so overgrown that you couldn't see the brick anymore. So I did away with all that and cleaned it up nice. The pumpkins, as expected, were rotting mush, hopefully spweing forth their seeds to make me some more pumpkins. Here's hoping. But they were a nasty fucking puddle on the far end of this walk. I had to push them off onto the grass on the other side of the bordering timber.

This is when I saw and remembered the blue thing. So, I figured I may as well pull it up and throw it away, whatever it is. Well, its a goddamned tarp. Most of one, anyway. And its nasty and muddy and rotting. and it had dead pumpkin on it. And it smells like it was pulled out of a week old corpse's ass. OMG. I have a tummy of iron, I really do, but I about threw up 4 or 5 times out there. It was hellish. But, I got that out and thrown away.

Then, after surveying my work for about 10 minutes and finding it worthy, I moved into the shed, which, while I did straighten it up big time when I moved in, was still very dirty with sawdust and what not. I swept all the dust and sawdust and leftover grass clippings from the mower up into a nice pile, picked all the staples and nails out, and scooped it all up and dumped it on my newly planted plants. I heard somewhere that sawdust and stuff like that is really good for plants, so.... Oh, and hair clippings are, too, fyi. 

In the shed, taking up room for no apparent reason, is an old cabinet. Its a small cabinet, like one that used to house an OLD record player. Looks like it might have been a decent piece of wood at some point, but its more or less a piece of shit now. Theres a hinge door that is missing from one side, likely where a speaker was. Part of the trimming is cracked and falling off. But it doesn't look God-awful, you know? Looks like something youd find in an old shed. Well, I've decided that it is patio furnature now. I have to old-ass wooden chairs out there and now that cabinet is betwixt them. We can set drinks on it when we hang out on the porch, which will inevetably happen when the weather is warmer. 

I need a big brown jug with X's on it....

For those about to cook, We salute you! (April 4, 2009)

Current mood:full

I know this is going to be insane of me, but I'm going to post my SUPER AWESOME teryaki chicken recipe here for all you food lovers. Its easy to make, takes a little more than half an hour, and its freakin' resturaunt quality, plus some (mostly because you don't have to pay for seconds, and you'll totally want em).

Ingredients:
Chicken bits, boneless skinless tenders is what I used.
La Choy Teryaki sauce and marinade.
an onion or two, depending on your love for sauteed things.
Butter, for sauteeing.

Rice of some variety to serve this mess over. My first run, I used Thai Yellow curry rice. This went over well, but I'm not a fan of curry, so on the second run, I just used white rice.

Allright, now see here. You take yer frozen chicken bits and bake them in the oven, following the directions on the bag. Mine were 30 minutes at 375. I'm going to assume that's about standard. Anyway, bake the chicken parts. About half way through the baking, take 'em out and drain all that crap off your pan and then flip the little buggers over. Put 'em back in the oven.

Now would be a good time to start your rice. If you're using box rice, don't be a tard, read the package. If you're NOT, and you have NO IDEA how to cook rice, look it up online. Obviously you have the internet.

Chop up your onion into small bits. Put these in a skillet with a gob of butter. Yes, thats about how I measure shit. I scoop it up with a fork and throw it in the pan. Anyway, drizzle a bit of the teryaki sauce in there, too. I didn't measure that, either, but if I had to guess, I'd put it at about 2tbs. Maybe 3. Judge it by eye. Sautee the shit out of those bastards. Sauteed onions are the shit. I had to use 2 the second time I made this because I ate most of the first one shortly after the sauteeing was done... :(  

Wait impatiently for your chicken to get done. I always leave mine in for about 5 or so extra minutes, but thats just becausse im retarded paranoid about meat. 

Once the chickens done, go through it and cut off all the gross bits. I'm freaking picky as hell about this, which is why mine is better than resturaunt quality. I don't want to take a big bite of delicious chicken and have it be all tendon or some shit. I cut that crap off. 

Once your chicken is qualified for eating, cut it into reasonable sized chunks. About 1 1/2 inch bits, I'd think. Bite sized. Use your brain. Well, use a knife... but think about it. 

Once your chicken is in smaller parts than you began with, throw it all into the skillet with the DELECTABLE onions. Dump a generous portion of your Teryaki sauce atop this wonderful mess and, with the burner on low, just to continuously heat it through, stir that up until the chicken is completely smothered in tasty oniony goodness and teryaki. Completely.

Serve this over whatever rice you went with, and dig in. Its freakin mouth watering. MMMmmmm......

Psychadellic Lucidity in A Dim Room (April 4, 2009)

(2:10:17 AM) Spooky: mmmmm fiona apple
(2:10:31 AM) Austin: uh, what?
(2:11:10 AM) Spooky: one of the very few female artists ill admit to kinda liking. fiona apple.
(2:11:54 AM) Spooky: there are a few song of hers that came out when I was in high school, or rather SHOULD have been.... and they bring back memories of thoughts that may have just been an inkling of a dream
(2:16:24 AM) Spooky: if I close my eyes and let the music fill my mind, I feel like I might open them again to find myself in a dimly lit basement. propped up against a couch, watching tv with a few other people, people that I barely know, all os us high, all of us staring.... me a runaway with a bottle of vodka in my backpack and a change of clothes. car lights flash through the window and the night goes on
(2:19:42 AM) Spooky: I eventually get up and leave, waving a silent farewell to the nights companions. its bright outside, in the dark, with the nearly full moon highlighting everything in silver lines. backpack slung over one shoulder, I set out for the night, wandering the streets and alleys, alone yet unafraid. the world is always more interesting at night.
(2:21:55 AM) Spooky: I spend most of the night walking aimlessly, eventually finding a suitable park bench in a strip mall and settling down for the last hour or so of darkness. I have my walkman on, music playing lightly through my head, nodding off... waking at sunrise to wander the streets again, a dark spot on the brightly lit landscape