Current mood:
sad
(took this off the "friends list. Is now you only.)sad(So yeah, just go ahead and take for granted that "that one guy" is you know, you.)
So, just for fun I went into my gmail account and was reading some of my past conversations with that one guy. The first several were fine. I spent allot of time laughing. The ammount of shit talking was phenominal. It amazes me how such shit can be throw at someone and all meant.... like.... as NOT being shitty. It was all flirty shit talkin'. Like wow.
And then I read some more... and was still kind of amused....
And I got to one where I was in a really strange mood (I remember most of these taking place....)
And I said, "Are you happy with me?"
"Yes."
"Well, I mean that in a general sense, not like, right now...."
"I know."
"OK. I just get paranoid sometimes...."
I read that. And then I sat here for a minute.And then I read it again.
And now I really really wish Keri were home or Jason were home because I don't want to be here by myself. I'm trying like hell not to be a big crying blubbering idiot, but I'm not doing so well. And I want .... him. And I want things to be good again. And I want..... stuff.... And to not make a big stupid mess out of everything like I usually do.
The weirdest things get me. They really do. And I've needed a good hug for a bit now.... I don't know what is with me right now. I shouldn't be in this funk. Things aren't as bad as they could be, and yet, STILL I feel like .... like.... like throwing myself in front of a firetruck!
Ugh... I'm going to go bawl into my pillow for a bit and try to get this out of my stupid system. :'(
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