Somethings Changing (Dec 17, 2009)

Current mood:hopeful

Today is a strange day for me. My arms are shaky. My legs aren't so much, but my legs have always been stronger than the rest of me.

2 days ago, Trent brought over his weight bench and stuff. I repacked his heavy-bag for him, but he didn't have any place to put it, so we decided to set it up at my house. His weights came with, simply because he can't use them in the winter at his house. No reasonable place to life.

This thrills me because now I can use them, too. I have become very interested in his MMA classes, which I have been observing for the last few months. I want that. I want to learn that... to BE that. And I'm working hard at taking those first steps into it. I have adjusted my diet. I have adjusted the way I move (in some respects). And now, I have adjusted my days to include lifting.

My puny arm muscles were not prepared for the assault they just got. My legs want more, but my shoulders are shaking and it's very interesting trying to type right now. I'm starting out light, as this is not something that I've ever done before and the last thing I want to do is over-do it an injure myself.

We had a few drinks the night before last, Trent and I, to celebrate my re-entry to the employed populous. During the course of the night, I made the following agreement with him. "Give me 2 more Sundays." This means nothing to most of you, I'm sure, but Sunday is class day. I'm sad when I miss it NOW, even though I don't participate. The instructor is sad when I don't make it. For whatever reason, they want me there; they want me training with them.

Now, since I seem to be on the crux of having income yet again, I will attend class. I will have to buy a few things to start out with, but I will be there. I don't know how this is going to go, but I refuse to give up easily. I'm far too stubborn for that. I will stick with it for far longer than I want to, even if I don't like it, simply out of spite. Spite against whatever it is that I need to spite to keep myself there.

When Trent was showing me the proper ways to lift the other day, I was thinking to myself, well, I'm going to start out very light anyway, so this is no big deal. Hah! This is a big deal. My wrists are bad anyway, and my shoulders aren't perfect. Something fun, however, is that during one of the 30 second breaks between sets that I allowed myself, I realised that lifting my arms without the weights on them was one of the neatest feelings ever.

If I think too hard about musculature and tendons and all the inside stuff, it really pretty much grosses me out. But I know that my muscles were straining. I know they were and I can feel it. I can feel it all the way into my spine. And I like it. 

Things are going to be new. Maybe I'll need help keeping my ass in line, but in a general sort of way, things are not as I want them now, and I have tried a whoooooole bunch of different things to make it work for me and have found nothing. Maybe this will work.

On the note of work, pending my drug screen results, I should be hired on at yet another gas station. I like gas station work, and I'm good at it. This particular gas station, I've worked at before, and it was one of my favourites. They don't have third shift, which is kind of a bummer, but that's when all the good shit happens anyway, so I may as well adjust to that, too.

My house has finally come together in a way that I'm pleased with. My walls are still mostly naked, and there is some shit laying around that I have no idea what to do with, as it hasn't even been unpacked in years. But its a functional house again, and I work hard at keeping it very clean. 

My ferrets have room to get out and play again. My ding-bat cat has room to chase invisible things through the house again. And my silly old dog has the run of it all. I've finally gotten her skin allergies under control, her fur is growing back, and she looks healthier than most people have seen her look in ages. Not bad for such an old puppy.

I apologize to my one reader that this is not the most interesting of blogs... But its stuff that I felt like writing down. I'll need to look at this from time to time to re-motivate myself. I'm feeling very proud of myself right now, and I want to ride that as long as I can.